


Heal me

by madconfusion67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Public Sex, Sad, Self-Harm, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-02-13 17:29:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12988929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madconfusion67/pseuds/madconfusion67
Summary: If I close my eyesAll my fears fall out of sightForce to fake the smileWill you promise?Will you promise?Stay with me through it allWish had more than years,You know how to Heal MeStay with me through it allWaiting in these crowdsI'm shaking, shaking upAnd then you promiseStay with me through it allWish had more than years,You know how to Heal MeStay with me through it all





	1. Heal me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [misha collins](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=misha+collins).



> So hey guyss this is my second fic and my first with multiple chapters i will try my hardest to post as often as possible and yeah please feel free to give your opinion! Enjoy!

“Today is hopefully going to be A new day”  
murmurs castiel novak a tall teenager with crystal blue eyes and black sex hair as he puts on his black nirvana tee-shirt. When hes done dressing he struts in front of his mirror with a smile.  
“First day of school and a new start” he says still smiling.  
“Cassiee we gotta go!” Castiel turns his head towards his door where his older brother Gabriel novak a shorter senior with dirty blonde hair that went a little past his ears and a smirk that was held by a lollipop stood.  
“Im coming” Castiel says as he picks up his back pack and runs down the stairs  
With Gabe.  
“make sure to get your lunches!” yells out his mother Naomi Novak a strictly religous woman with dark brown eyes and Straight brown hair tucked neatly into a perfect bun on her head. The boys grab their lunches  
“bye!” they yell out as they scramble out the door and run the rest of the way to school.

“Deannnn” Dean slowley opens his green eyes to see his little brother with shaggy brown hair and hazel eyes standing over him “ugh sammy what time is it?” he says slowley sitting up rubbing his eyes   
“dean its 7:30!” sammy says in a whine  
“ugh shit!” he says sitting up quickly  
“sammy go get your breakfast and wait for me downstairs” His little brother scampers out of his room quickly. Dean hurriedly looks around his room for a tee shirt that he can wear and he decidely picks up his nirvana tee shirt slipping it on as he runs down the stairs.  
“Pala?” sam asks questioningly  
“yeah” dean says snatching his keys and rushing out the door. They drive the five minutes it takes to get to their school and Sam gives a quick  
“bye” when they seperate to go to their classes. Dean quickly walks into his class which is taught by his uncle bobby. The bell rings and students start spilling into the class Deans already sitting in his seat waiting for the lesson to start when a boy around his age with dark brown hair and blue eyes comes up to him  
“hey i like your shirt” he says with a smirky smile   
“huh?” he looks down at his shirt then up at his  
“oh” he says weakly the boys shirt a bit more new and hugging to the muscle around his chest and arms. The boy laughs weakly  
“im castiel” Dean just keeps staring mesmerized by his perfect features.  
”oh um im dean” Castiel smiles at him  
“um do you wanna sit with me?” Dean asks hesitantly   
“thanks” he replied. Castiel pulls out a chair and slowly sits down getting out a pencil and dean can see that hes sketching something. His brown messy hair hanging loosely from his head and he bites his lip in frustration. His nose crinkles up and dean cant help but giggle a little. (he looks cute like that) He thinks to himself.  
“Okay you idjits” Bobby says loudly to get everyones attention  
“today we are gonna be lernin about the male reproductive system” Bobby jokes which earns a groan from every student  
t “ahh lighten up everyone open up to page 57” 

After class Castiel takes his time to gather his things making sure they stay neat and orderly. He zips closed his binder and his pencil rolls to the ground. Dean and castiel both go reach for it at the same time and end up heads butting and hands brushing. Castiels cheeks go a faint red. Dean chuckles softly and grabs it to give it to Castiel. His hands brush the pencil behind his ear in a quick move.  
Smiling up at Dean “thanks”. He Grabs his stuff and him and dean walk out the door Going there seperate ways Castiel looks back thinking (damn he gotta nice ass) 

 

After school Dean and sam meet up near the front of the school and they start walking home when a familiar voice pops up behind him   
“Hey Dean!” Dean turns around to see Castiel standing there with a shorter boy with honey brown hair and hazel eyes. He feels a dumb smile plastered on his face when he replies “Hey cas” He blushes when he realizes the nickname hed made for Castiel  
“cas huh?” The other boy says with a smirk  
“usually we call him cassie” Cas smiles sporting the same blush dean has  
“i like it” he says softly.  
“So cas where do you live?”   
“oh i live in hearthborrow Right next to the weird blue house” Dean chuckles  
“i live right across the street from the blue house!”  
“oh look cassies boyfriend is also his new neighbor” Castiel turns a bright red   
“i-im n-not gay gabriel” gabriels smirk returning when he replies with  
“sure youre not” Sammy spits out  
“dean likes both” Everyone shocked to hear the little voice and dean lets out a low growl before saying  
“dammnit sammy not i dont” Sam just looks at the others  
“so when you were kissing michael you didnt enjoy it” gabriel started laughing and so did sam Deans face went bright red And cas lent out a comforting   
“its cool if you did enjoy it” 

A few minutes later and They said theyre goodbyes seperating to their different houses as soon as sam shuts the door behind dean Dean almost screams “SAMMY you do not tell people that…...WHAT IF DAD FOUND OUT?!”  
“d-dea-” “NO SAMMY STAY QUIET I HATE IT WHEN YOU BUT IN LIKE THAT”   
tears started rolling down sams cheek and the burning anger that was before pulsing through dean Left almost immediatly “oh sammy im so sorry” he went over to his little brother and wiped up the tears  
“i didnt mean it sammy im so sorry” Sam slowley stopped crying  
“i-im s-sorry Dean” He says sniffling into deans shoulder  
“its okay sam you didnt mean it”   
An hour later Dean was making spaghetti and sam was doing his homework at the dinner table The front door swung open and John winchester stumbled through the door  
“damn fags at work again always complaining about their safety” Dean shuddered at the sound of the painful slur.  
“Like maybe if they werent gay then people wouldnt beat them so much” John said in a laugh. A heavy silence seeped into the room He grabbed a beer from the fridge and put it on the table where sam was working  
“how was school today sam?” john asked nonchalantly  
“u-um good” Johns eyes went a bit darker  
“just good?” sam looked down at his homework  
“look at me when im talking to you boy” Johns voice heating up and his temper slowley melting away   
“it was r-really nice i got a good grade on one of my tests today” Sam said quickly hoping to settle his father down His father nodded in satisfaction the anger though was still bubbling below the surface.  
“Dean” he said slowley  
“yes sir?” “how was school for you today?” hoping not to anger his father he replied quickly  
“it was good i met someone…”  
“oo a girl?” his dad Said   
“um no not exactly” Dean stuttered out  
“just friends right? Cant have my son turning into some fairy” John said with a laugh then patted dean on the shoulder before heading into a different room Dean shuddered and whispered under his breathe   
“yes sir” 

 

Five bottles later and john was passed out on the couch empty cans laying beside him Dean got sam all ready for bed and went to sleep Hoping to dream of better times when mom was around and Dad wasnt so harsh.


	2. heal me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soooo sorry its taken me sooo long to update ive been so busy and have had to deal with some things this chapter is pretty angsty and the next few chapters will be pretty angsty so bare with me it will be so fluffy in the end. Hopefully chapter three wont take as long. Anyways enjoyyyy!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!! self harm please proceed with caution

“Dean Get your ass out here” Dean just curled himself up further into his blankets listening to his dad screaming at him outside his door in the middle of the night. “Boy dont you ignore me!” the anger in his dads voice only growing stronger by the second dean reluctantly rolled out of bed and opened the door “finally you get your ass up” dean rubs his eyes “dad its the middle of the night” “yeah but did you do everything i told you to do before you went to bed?” Deans mind quickly scans over his mental list of chores reminding himself that he had to get groceries “oh dad im sorry ill get them tommorow right after school” the anger in his dads eyes was burning up making dean painfully aware of what was coming next. All of a sudden a quick and sharp fist came up and hit him. Right in the jaw making dean tremble and fall back. Looking down at his son John barks out “get more beer while youre at it” and he leaves Dean laying there on the floor. When he could see straight he looked to his alarm clock and it had written in bright blue letters 3:09 Dean slowley got up He figured he would just stay up because there was no point in tossing and turning for 3 more hours. He made his way to the bathroom and he turned on the water running his shaking hands under the cool liquid. He opened his bathroom cabinet looking for ibuprofen When his razor fell out onto the floor breaking and leaving the razor blades scattered on the floor.“shit” he says under his breath. He bends down to pick them up grabbing one when it cuts his hand “fuck” he says dropping the blade and sliding down to the floor tears flooding his eyes. He feels the wave of panic flushing over him when he grabs another razor blade and puts it up to his wrist pushing down hard and sliding it across. The blood begins to bubble up and Dean leans his head back breathing out feeling the overwhelming anxiety pour out of him. When his arm evetually stops bleeding he picked everything up of the floor with a towel and puts it away. He turns on the shower and slowley undresses stepping into the shower and starts washing.

 

“Cassie boy” Castiel wakes up to gabe on top of him. “Ugh what” castiel groans out shoving his brother off of him. Looking up at castiel with a playfull smile Gabe smirks “cmon cassie school starts in 1 hour” looking to his brown and orange alarm clock castiel rolls his eyes and shoos his brother out of the room. Once the door closes Castiel Starts to change Stripping off his White sleep shirt and brown sleep pants. Quickly balling them up and throwing them into the laundry hamper sitting adjacent to his bed. Then throwing open his closet door to find something to wear. Not noticing the time passing so quickly. As soon as hes found something to wear his brother shouts out from the downstairs “Cassie lets go!” This puts him into action hurriedly hauling the clothes on and racing out the door. “Bye mom” they both shout out behind them and they start there walk towards the school when a black chevy impala slides up next to them. The window rolling down revealing One dean winchester and a sleepy sammy “heya cas wanna ride?” Castiel feeling unsure about this new friendship hed so recently aquired hesitated for a moment before Gabe speaks “sure he does” then smiles sticking a grape lolly pop into his mouth “id like one too” Dean shakes his head in a shy laughter “get on in then” Gabe sitting directly behind sam and Castiel sitting behind dean they start the short drive to school. Deans eyes met castiels In the rear view mirror a sparkle of contentment in his eyes “so cas you like stars hollow high?” Cas swallows looking out the window “I find the teachers to be oddly pleasant and the classes fairly easy” then a soft smile starts growing on his face as he continues “so yeah I guess I like it so far” they pull up into a parking space near school. Everyone gets out and while cas is straightening his shirt dean scratches his back nervously “hey cas if you ya know wanna ride everyday that would be cool” dean moves his hand to his long sleeve and starts tugging at it nervously waiting for an   
answer Castile smiles “i would like that thank you” “yeah no pro-” the bell cuts him off and he chuckles “Sammy get to class” “it's sam” the younger brother smiled at cas and waved “by cas bye dean” 

after school cas finds gabe standing near his locker with a brown haired girl “bout time cassie” gabe smirks “this is meg” the brown haired girl turns around and smirks “well look at that apparently there is an attractive Novak “ gabe fake gasps “I'm hurt meg really” Castile smiles “well you're not bad looking either” meg leans against the locker next to his “we'll look unicorn there's a party tonight you should come with “ Castile looks at uneasily at gabe “cmon Cassie you should go” Castile sighs closing his locker shrugging his backpack on “sure” meg pushes her self off the locker with her foot and wraps her arm around castiels neck pulling him down to her “I'll pick you up at 10” she whispers in his ear. She releases him and winks then turns around and walks away. “Wow” that girls one of a kind” gabe says knocking Castiel out from his haze “yeah” castiel responds in a breathy voice

They make it out to deans car and sees Sams not in it. “Little nerd had some history club thingy “ cas nods his head as gabe opens the back seat door “you can sit up front cas” castiel smiles walking Around the car to the front seat. He makes his way inside and dean grins widely. “So Cassie you excited for your date tonight?” Gabe smirks widely. Dean shifts uncomfortably “oh what date?” Castiels turns to glare at his older brother sitting in the backseat “ it's not a date just going to a social gathering with a girl named meg who invited me” dean looked at cas “meg?” Cas faced front again “yeag shes uhh really spunky?” Dean shook his head “cas you don't wanna get with meg she's no good” gabe spoke up in a playful voice “oo someone's jealous” dean glared at gabe “I'm not jealous just sayin cas shouldn't get caught up with the wrong crowd that's all” cas looked irritated “I can decide that for myself dean “ dean pulled up next to castiels and gabes house “I didn't say you couldn't cas” castiels smile came back “it's fine dean I'll see you tomorrow “ he shut the door and him and gabe went inside . Then dean remembered he had to get groceries “shit”

 

“Cas megs here” gabe whispered “don't worry moms asleep and she won't hear a thing go have fun baby bro” cas smiled and attempted to pas him before gabe stopped him with his fist lightly pounded on castiels chest “don't forget this Cassie” gabe said with a smirk and cas took the condom out of gabes hand before realizing what it was “ugh gabe it's no-” “no glove no love baby bro have fun” cas was halfway out the door before gabe stopped him again and said “ oh and don't get too wasted” castiel rolled his eyes and climbed into megs car “Hiya Clarence” Castile shifted in his seat to buckle up “hello meg so where are we going?” Meg smirked and jumped the gas making Castiel gulp nervously “you'll see” Meg says putting more weight on the gas 

They pulled up to a busy looking house after 20 minutes of megs crazy fast driving meg looks over at Castiels white face and she rolls her eyes “cmon Clarence you're fine” they both make it inside and Castiels shifts back and forth on the balls of his feet. A very annoyed looking teen handed meg two cups of what smelled like liquid poison and shook his head “please no gettin funky in any rooms especially my parents” meg snorts as the dude walked away she handed cas the cup and clinked hers against it “drink up” meg downed her cup within a few seconds and castiel eyed his cup cautiously then making the quick and careless desicion he downed it it burned slowly down his throat and he grunted someone handed him another one he was about to down it as well meg stopped him “easy there the party just started don't get trashed just yet” cas just took a long pull of the drink and smiled   
The rest of the night went by in a blur cas hardly noticed when Meg took him upstairs and started undressing him “but Meg no getting funky in the rooms” Meg giggled and some kid opened the door “ahh for fucks sake no sex in the rooms” Meg rolled her eyes “ fine Clarence let's go” 

 

After a long ride of nothing but giggling meg pulled into Castiels driveway “thank you meg tonight was truly enjoyable” she started giggling again “of course” she leaned over into cas lap. Slowly licking her lips she cupped cas’ face gently and kissed along his jaw slowly when she reached his lips she bit the bottom one and dipped in cas opened immediately they sat their for a good ten minutes gently making out until Meg pulled back smirking gently “night clarence” she rolled over back into her seat and pulled out a cigerate cas weakly mumbled out a sorry excuse for a “goodbye” and left .

 

 

Dean sat alone in his room after getting Sammy and his father to bed his mind kept racing back to the moment his skin broke and the blood ran free he was craving the calming release. His mind won and he stumbled to the bathroom pulling out his razor blade from the night before he cut deeper this time running the blade along his wrist feeling the satisfying euphoria that flooded his system.


End file.
